The Holy Empire of Eisen Fatherland is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Hanz grott sheffel III with an even hand, and notable for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, complete lack of prisons, and prohibition of alcohol. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 2.401 billion fatherlings have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The enormous, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, with Industry and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Welfare and Education aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bern. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 86.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Fatherlandian economy, worth 339 trillion Eisen franks a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 141,256 Eisen franks, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 444,360 per year while the poor average 34,357, a ratio of 12.9 to 1.

The "fire department" is often called to remove offensive religious texts, Mona Lola's famous mysterious smile is being altered to resemble Hanz grott sheffel III's enigmatic grin, clergy who start talking about politics are forced to take a holy vow of silence, and the government prefers to leave the past buried. Crime is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Eisen Fatherland's national animal is the Steinadler, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Zwinglianism.

Eisen Fatherland is ranked 287,582^nd in the world and 6,321^st in The North Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 42 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.